New Beginnings
by Behavioural-Victims-UnitX
Summary: When Hotch is forced to leave the team and hide out, Tara is heartbroken and vows to track down Peter Lewis. But what happens when her heartbreak causes her to become reckless and make potentially deadly mistakes? Will the team be able to bring the old Tara back to Hotch?
1. Chapter 1

Tara wrapped her arms around Hotch and felt the tears welling up once again. It had felt like she had been crying for years, and it seemed to have no intention of stopping any time soon.

"How long, Aaron? How long are you going to be away?" she asked, her voice rough and oddly childlike, reminding her of when her father had left on one of his many deployments, and she, being the innocent 7-year-old she was, would ask him the same question every time, to which he had no clear answer.

Old habits die hard indeed.

Hotch felt her tremble in his arms again and his own heart shattered once more. Tara had become his associate, his friend, and over time his lover. He still felt guilty about Haley, and would never forget what catching a criminal had cost him, but Tara had managed to unconsciously rebuild him and make him feel love for her, and himself, in ways he never knew he could. But no matter how deep he had fallen for Tara, his son would always come first. However, that did nothing to stop the pain he felt from leaving her.

Breathing in her scent, he sighed deeply, feeling her body and his become one for the briefest second, and answered after a while. "I really don't know, I wish I did, but I have to be there for Jack now more than ever. He's terrified, I can tell, and I'll die before I let Lewis anywhere near him."

The thought of Aaron, _her_ Aaron, lying dead in the morgue sent her over the edge once again. Something inside of her snapped, and she clenched her fists, clutching to the lapels of his blazer, afraid to let go, and began sobbing violently once more. He pulled her impossibly closer, and began to cry himself, tears silently streaming down his face and the lump in his growing ever larger. His internal rage grew also; how dare Peter Lewis be the cause of her pain? How dare anyone upset someone this wonderful?

 _How was he supposed to help put her back together?_

The shrill ring of Hotch's phone forced them to separate as he took the call. Tara wiped furiously at her eyes, silently pleading that they stop to make this just a minute bit easier. She was head over heels for him, and would not love another again. He was enthralled with her, but would not let her be put in the same danger as his ex-wife.

"I understand, sir. Yes I'll be out in just a minute. I will. Okay goodbye." Hotch ended the call and hung his head, peering at Tara through his lashes. In less than a year she had grown so far, like a blooming flower, and even made Hotch grow. She completed him, and that fact made his very soul burn in anguish because he had to leave.

"Just promise me one thing, Aaron. One thing and I'll let you go." she pleads.

"Anything, my love. Absolutely anything." Tara's heart was racing and in two long strides she was back in his arms, and crushed her lips to his in a desperate attempt at one last, wordless farewell. His hands immediately grasped the sides of her face, fingers burying themselves in dark, thick, beautiful locks. As he surrendered to the warmth of her love, he had one last conscious thought.

Heaven.

Tara released his lips and stepped back until they were only mere centimetres apart and whispered her request into his mouth.

"Make the next one better when you come back."


	2. Chapter 2

Emily was back, everyone was hugging, but all Tara saw was a stranger in Hotch's place, as Unit Chief. It didn't sit right, but Tara couldn't lash out at her. If she was honest, the BAU was like a revolving door of agents, losing Blake, Seaver, Callahan, Strauss and now Aaron. How her heart ached for the man who had to leave almost everything, and virtually his whole family, behind because of some maniac with a fixation. Because of a single person threatening his son.

She would catch Peter Lewis.

"Tara, you okay?" JJ asks and Tara forces a smile. She doesn't know, they can't. It would cause too many problems, raise too many questions, get Hotch and herself in trouble. JJ's eyes were filled with concern, and a few stray tears. She had been mourning Hotch's loss. It must have reminded her about when Emily left, and Tara felt a pang of sadness for the woman. She too knew how it was to have someone you love ripped away from you because of an obsessed man with no morals. To have the impending fear of the unknown - no way to see your lover, to touch them, to know if there was ever a future that was safe and secure for the both of you.

"I'm okay. I'm just really not used to change." As she finished her sentence, Tara looked at Reid. She couldn't imagine how he must be feeling, losing Gideon, Morgan and now Hotch. The impacts of losing all of these prominent figures in the young man's life showed on his face, no matter how hard he tried to conceal them, especially losing what he considered a brother. Morgan would always be in Reid's heart, and his leaving had changed him considerably, as Hotch's was changing Tara. She could feel her soul disintegrating, and could do close to nothing to stop it. Emily looked over at JJ and Tara, frowning slightly.

"OK guys let's get started." JJ interrupted the reflection and turned their minds back to work, shaking her own head, and they all sat down. "Maria Shamton, 34, went missing four days ago and is suspected to be the next victim of the aptly named "Liver Lumberjack". Reid looked confused.

"What do you mean the a-" he turned the page in his case file, and nodded awkwardly, his face turning a mixture of both red and white simultaneously.

"Yeah," JJ nodded and carried on, "the same type as last; medium height and build, medium risk, and long brunette hair."

"So he's projecting. The annihilation of the face is also something to consider, he used a saw to dissect the liver but the indentations in her face look like they were made by fists, like he wants that part to be as close as possible. And the annihilation points to extreme hate for these girls; someone with brunette hair and a medium build did this UnSub wrong." Tara spoke monotonously, not even looking at the picture anymore, rather down at the floor. Prentiss noticed this and she and Rossi shared a look, in which she conveyed 'take the team away'. He nodded, understanding the silent order that yet spoke volumes.

"Okay, let's go guys. The jet's finished getting ready." JJ, Reid and Rossi grabbed their go bags and headed for the jet. Emily stuck around, watching Tara glumly get up and grip her bag tightly. She couldn't tell if Tara was mad or upset, but damn it she was going to find out now.

"It's him, isn't it?" Tara stopped in her tracks and turned quickly on her heels, walking back briskly over to her boss. Boss. Aaron. Oh god Aaron, how she missed him. The pain stabbed at her heart once again, unrelenting, vicious and cruel. All she could do was nod furiously, uttering a soft "yes" before the tears started to fall once again.

 _She. Would. Catch. Peter. Lewis._


	3. Chapter 3

Hotch couldn't take it. The pain of losing one love was enough, but now he had lost a second. Tara. He couldn't believe how she had come into his life, graced it like the angel he saw her to be. A beautiful, strong, competent woman who could turn Hotch's mind off from profiler mode, even if for just a few moments. The woman who could command the attention of an entire squad, but was so humbled in her skills that, although faint, he could see the blush that attacked her face when she was complimented for her new clothes, haircut, whatever it was.

Hotch had seen a side of himself that had been closed off for many years. He felt his resolve of seriousness being broken, the walls being demolished blow by blow. He saw his jealousy come back; when at the bar, seeing Tara being hit on by numerous men - and some women - drove him wild, but he was always comforted at night, with her head on his chest, her breath tickling his neck, her hand around his waist. Everything felt back in place.

He also saw the damages from life being repaired. Everything he had done: the absence of himself from his family, choosing the job over many other important things, not protecting Hayley like he should have…

Hotch felt like he were almost purged in Tara's presence, the warm comforts that he delighted in, feeling like a teenager when he stumbled out of his bedroom to discover her there, making breakfast, delightfully singing along the radio with Jack as her backup...

Jack. The one thing that he would always hold most dear, even over Tara. The person whom he wouldn't let see him cry, for fear that it would make the change harder. Jack had been through this once and it had rendered him motherless. Although he couldn't remember much about it, Hotch couldn't make this harder for him by seeing his father broken. He couldn't count the amount of times he had muffled his sobs with a pillow, his heart being shattered every night as it called out for the BAU; the authority, the justice, the familiarity, the team.

Tara.

Hotch felt his heart cracking once more, tears filling his eyes as he grabbed the photo that he always kept with him in his wallet. It was a photo of the three of them, standing by one of Tara's remodelled vintage cars, all sporting wide, Cheshire-like grins, Jack sitting on the hood of the car arms around them both. Hotch smiled through the tears as he recalled the memory.

" _What if he gets hurt, Aaron. I haven't had time to completely child-proof the car yet." Tara sighed. Jack had asked to ride around in the 'old car' weeks ago, and now that they were out he saw this as a perfect opportunity, almost begging Tara and his father to at least drive them to the park. Hotch smiled._

" _Well, you drove here and you're still in one piece, thankfully." Tara smiled at the unspoken sentiment as Hotch carried on. "Have you got seatbelts?" Tara looked dumbfounded, but answered despite her confusion._

" _Seatbelts? Of course I have seatbelts. What kind of person-" she was promptly cut off by Hotch kissing her briefly. Opening her eyes, she saw him smirking, his rarely seen playful side coming out naturally around her._

" _Then it will be fine. We'll drive up to the park and have a nice lunch in the sun, on one of the rare days off we have." Hotch flashed his toothy grin again, knowing that he had Tara convinced. She scowled as his smug nature, knowing he had won, and called Jack over to tell him the plan. As he was cheering, she picked him up and set him on the hood of the car, got out her camera and snapped a quick picture of the three of them._

" _I'll have to add this to the collection I already have." she remarked._

" _Of what?" Hotch asked as Jack was climbing into her car._

" _Of the times two FBI Behavioural Analyst failed to see they were being played by a 10-year-old." They both grinned, sharing a knowing and loving look, and entered the car._


	4. Chapter 4

Tara smiled wistfully at the memory she had just recalled before the jet came to its landing, and Prentiss began to divide the team. "Okay, JJ, Rossi, Reid, you all go to the station to set up, me and Lewis will go down to the M.E's office and take a closer look at the body." They all nodded, and by the way Prentiss straightened her back, Tara was going to be talked to about her and Hotch. She just hoped Prentiss felt okay about it.

As they were driving to the office, Tara reached for the radio, and was met with Emily's hand, silently asking if they could talk. Tara retracted her hand and nodded for Emily to begin. "I have no idea how being on the other side of someone going away feels like, I've always been the one that left, but it never felt right. And I know that Hotch has feelings for you, I heard it in his voice and saw it when I came on loan from INTERPOL. He loves you, Tara. It'll all work out."

Tara kept her eyes on the road, intending to remain silent, but found herself asking despite herself. "So you and he were never…" she drifted off, unsure of even where she was going, or how that sentence would have ended. Together? In a relationship? Sleeping together? Tara shuddered minutely at the thought. She had nothing against Emily, and even rather admired her and all she had been through, to be strong enough to come back. But the thought of Aaron being with anyone beside her made the hairs on her body stand up. Emily seemed to see she was struggling for words and finished it for her with an incredulous look and haughty laugh.

"Oh God no! Look, Tara, I'm not saying he's not a good guy or a looker, but my interests have never really been in men like him." she finished finally, leaving Tara in a state of relief that Emily wasn't mad or jealous, but also in a state of confusion. If Emily didn't go for kind, sweet men like Hotch, who did she go for? Bad boys? Emily didn't seem the type. Emily, once again sensing her confusion, clarified with "...or men in general," stressing the last word, as Tara came to the realisation and nodded hastily. "You don't have a problem with that do you? " Emily joked, but Tara sensed the serious undertone and the slight clenching of her jaw.

The team promised to never profile each other, but Tara couldn't help it. The way Emily's demeanour changed told Tara that she had come into contact with someone who had disliked her for loving who she wanted, and her best guess was Emily's mother. As an Ambassador, she had a reputation to uphold, and though it went unstated it was a known fact that most didn't like the idea of homosexualit, and some wouldn't even entertain the idea that one of their own could be gay. The thought made Tara's heart hurt, and made her want to make sure that Emily knew the truth. Laying her hand atop Emily's, she answered, "No, Emily. It doesn't bother me at all who you choose to love. That's your choice and I have no right to tell you whether it is right or wrong, and I certainly won't judge you for it." Letting go of her hand, Emily nodded and cleared her throat, unsure of what to say. "You're welcome." Tara answered and smiled at Emily as she refocused her eyes on the road, her mask of seriousness slowly settling back on, and Tara's eyes drifted away as she began to think about Hotch once more.

One thing was for sure: Emily damn near prayed that Hotch would come home soon and make this wonderful woman happy again.


	5. Chapter 5

3 days had past since the third murder, and thankfully no more bodies had turned up yet. The team were still no closer to finding the UnSub and as the time went by, the team became increasingly more worried about the next time he would strike. Emily and Tara walked back into the squad room after a much needed coffee run, Emily chuckling softly at something Tara said, alerting the others of their presence. They looked up from their paperwork and smiled, Reid eyeing up a tall drink of coffee resting in Tara's hands.

"Jeez, I'd wish he'd look at me like that all the time instead of when I have something for him!" Tara exclaimed causing the others to laugh and Reid to blush slightly. Emily looked her up and down almost comically, and replied in her best suave voice,

"Ah, maybe he wishes you'd give him a little something more, honey." she said, winking and licking her lips, causing Rossi to laugh and Reid and Tara to blush harshly and look at the floor. JJ, who had finished clearing up the files, clenched her jaw and feigned laughter, something that Tara and Rossi took note of, sharing a look as JJ grabbed her coffee and walk out, throwing something over her shoulder about 'fresh air'. Emily, who now looked dumbfounded at JJ's sudden shift in mood, watching the blonde's retreating form, feeling her heart hurt slightly.

Emily had been in love with JJ for as long as she could remember. They had been through so much; Gideon leaving, Penelope getting shot, Ian Doyle, Tivon Askari, Morgan's abduction and his choice to leave the BAU for his son, Will and JJ's divorce, Emily repeatedly leaving without so much as a goodbye. How it pained Emily to realise that she had given a hand in JJ's pain at all, let alone multiple times. Dragging a hand across her face, Emily let out a sharp breath and turned back to the group. "Okay guys, it's late. We'll pack this up and come back tomorrow. Until then, we can grab something to eat?" Reid and Tara nodded, and Rossi gestured for them to lead the way, taking out his phone to alert JJ about the plans.

The team arrived at the bar and took their seats in a corner booth, JJ choosing to sit next to Rossi, Emily's face a picture of hurt when she realised she was distancing herself and couldn't figure out what had caused the divide between herself and her blonde counterpart. Tara watched the two with sympathy, seeing JJ's face a mixture of irritation and deep hurt, her mouth in a straight line and eyebrows furrowed, and Emily's face contorted with confusion and the same hurt. Tara's eyes opened wider in realisation and she smiled. Although she was hurt that she couldn't be with her love, she wouldn't sit by and let them damn themselves with their angst and misinformation. Oh, yes, she had a plan.

"JJ, could you help me with the round of drinks please?" Tara asked sweetly, looking JJ right in the eye. JJ frowned, not meeting her stare and instead looking behind her. Tara waited a few seconds until JJ met her gaze, almost burning holes into Tara's eyes with the intensity, the ice cold blue being a sure indicator of jealousy, however the remaining embers of deep cerulean blue telling her that, despite her initial feelings, she could never truly hate Tara, but could feel jealous.

 _She shouldn't be jealous,_ Tara thought. _My heart belongs to someone else_.

JJ reluctantly got up and stood beside Tara before taking off in a large stride, leaving Tara, although tall as she was, struggling to keep up with her brisk and unrelenting pace. By the time they got to the bar, JJ had spun on her heels and left almost no time for Tara to talk.

"Look, I know why you called me over here and I'm gonna try and control my emotions and let you and Emi- Prentiss to get together and be happy but it's gonna take some time for me to get over this and, before you ask, yes I do have feelings for her but she can't know. She seems happy with you and I'm not gonna get in the way with that. Are we clear?" JJ said all in one breath. Tara looked at her incredulously and shook her head clear of all thoughts until she started laughing at JJ's reaction, leaving JJ once again both confused and angry. Once Tara had stopped her laughter, she began to explain to JJ.

"You know, you profilers really aren't good with your own feelings are you? JJ, look at Emily, she's like a lost puppy because she thinks that you hate her now and she really doesn't know why. She thinks that she has absolutely no chance with you, that you're not into her that way. God, you two are some self-proclaimed heartbroken tragedies when it doesn't have to be that way at all! Look, just help me with these drinks and then take Emily aside and explain how you feel." She stated, a formality to her voice that made JJ aware that there was no room for discussion. JJ smiled slightly, a blush taking over her cheeks.

"Okay, I'll speak to Emily. But under one condition." Tara frowned but nodded her head quickly, urging her to carry on. "You tell me what really went on with you and Hotch." Tara stared wide-eyed, mouth open. She looked at the floor and then around the bar, making sure no one heard them, and silently agreed. JJ linked her arms with Tara's, turning back to pick up the drinks, only to see a full table of drinks where they were sitting and the confused faces of 3 profilers and an FBI analyst. JJ chuckled as Tara once again came to a realisation.

"The waiters deliver the drinks, don't they?"


End file.
